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Recovering Perfectionist

by Ineloquent SD

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1.
Azure 02:09
When I was young, she called to me, And commanded that I should be, Better, kinder, a healer to all I meet. I gave her heed, And took to waltzing lead, By the shining, azure sea.
2.
I found the seas to be so sweet, A spot of freedom I had need - But next to you, It pales indeed - My vicious Lilith of the Sea. (My heart, my love, my loyalty, To my blessed pirate queen.) She came from the desert On screech owl wings, Traded salt pillars for salty breeze. Her claws are fierce and widely feared, But by her kiss, My heart is pierced. (My heart, my love, my loyalty, To my blessed pirate queen.) It seems no sailor can agree If her hair's as black as raven's wing, Or dyed deep red with blood she's spilled - But 'tween my fingers, 'Tis softest silk. (My heart, my love, my loyalty, To my blessed pirate queen.) She's bold as gold, And without price - A demon lover who sails at night - Let fainter souls than I take fright - Her wicked grin's a welcome sight. (My heart, my love, my loyalty, To my blessed pirate queen.) I found the seas to be so sweet, A spot of freedom I had need - But next to you, It pales indeed - My vicious Lilith of the Sea. My vicious Lilith of the Sea.
3.
O Brighid, My Lady, Please keep me from plague. Bless my family - May they be safe. Your flame leaps between us, Hearths & hearts- Together in spirits, If home apart. I fret my hands - Please put them to use. Help me craft Something new. Lay down your mantle, Claim this ground. Justice for us, Who’ve been cast down. O Brighid, My Lady, Please keep me sane. Bless my friends - Spare them pain. Your well runs clear, Cheerful and bright - Let’s drink deeply - Praise your light. I raise my voice, Reforge the silence - Sing of your beauty In contrast to violence. The ground is cold, But the year turns on. With your wisdom, We’ll create a better dawn. O Brighid, My Lady, Please keep me strong. Bless us all - Let us right our wrongs. O Brighid, My Lady, Please keep my hope. Blessed your name - In this humble poem.
4.
I wish I could be angry, But my rage is long burnt out. The inferno has been choked down, By too much fuel to count. There's a pile of wood and refuse, Over top a faltering flame. Steady on it flickers, Struggling to keep pace. The light once lit the beach, A beacon blazing miles around. If you kneel close and squint, Now you may just make it out. No smoke signals across the sky - No clear calls for help. Only smothered smolderings, Seething down in the dark. I wish I could be angry, But my rage is long burnt out. Give me time to keep on kindling - I'll fan back up the fire. My anger loves me dearly, It knows what I deserve. It's temporarily tired, But still it burns.
5.
If what's stuck in my throat Is only a scream, I pray for your kindness - Have mercy on me. Tell me I'm loved, Tell me I'm seen - Tell me, please. I"m choking on silence, Strangling on speech, Holding my breath While trying to sing. Tell me I'm fine - There's more to me - A voice in the dark, A blessing unseen. If what's stuck in my throat Is only a scream, Something unkind, I pray for relief.
6.
With fire across the firmament, The sunset cast aflame - With waves lapping upon the shore, Red with blood of the day - We sat together upon the dock, Avoiding each others’ gaze. Her voice was quiet when she asked If I would stay. The world seemed wider When we were young - A vast & open space. But time’s a river and not a lake - Sadly, our view will change. I kept my silence as night came down, As stars emerged in its wake. I felt our foundations trembling, With tides shift and sway. She touched my hand And I grasped her back - Unsure beneath the unwieldy weight Of her mistake. The world seemed wider When we were young - A vast & open space. But time’s a river and not a lake - Sadly, our view does change. With the background groan Of creaking wood, And mooring rotting through, If her breath seemed more a sob, I was unknotting, too. She may regret the harm she’d done - She could not my heart unbruise. The world seemed wider When we were young - A vast & open space. But time’s a river and not a lake - Sadly, we will change. Out beyond us in the dark, A night bird splashed for prey - I knew my next words to eviscerate Much the same way. “I forgive you, oh, my love - But we’ll never be the same. For all remorse and desperate hope - I cannot stay.” The world seemed wider When we were young - A vast & open space. But time’s a river and not a lake - Sadly, we have changed.
7.
We sat for hours In the summer heat, Beneath the glow of my parents’ porch. The bricks left grit On our bared thighs, While the crickets sang A symphony. Within the lights of suburbia We could not see the stars. I’m sure they blushed At the things we said That long and too-short summer. The lightning struck, Burned that bridge down - The storm washed out romance. But part of me Is still there with you, Naive and bittersweet. I watched the end approaching fast - Allowing my heart to love you. We hung on tight, Knowing we’d let go, Skin slick with humidity. Our last first kiss was inevitable - A sublime tragedy. Our love enduring, But all too brief - Vanished, Like summer heat. The lightning struck, Burned that bridge down - The storm washed out romance. But part of me Is still there with you, Naive and bittersweet. I watched the end approaching fast - Allowing my heart to love you. We whispered promises We could not keep, And knew it all too well. You left me roses On the day I left - Arranged on my car. Though the petals have Long gone brown, I still keep them now. The lightning struck, Burned that bridge down - The storm washed out romance. But part of me Is still there with you, Naive and bittersweet. I watched the end approaching fast - Allowing my heart to love you. Within the lights of suburbia We could not see the stars. I’m sure they blushed At the things we said, Before the season gave way To fall.

about

Ineloquent SD's debut EP, Recovering Perfectionist is an experiment in releasing some of the music they've been working on in the past couple years into the wider world. Intentionally imperfect and unpolished, this album is a rejection of SD's ingrained perfectionist tendencies. The perfect is the enemy of the good.

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released July 30, 2022

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Ineloquent SD Charleston, South Carolina

Ineloquent SD is a queer musical cryptid. Their lyrics are heavily informed by their experiences with disability, chronic pain, poisoned perfectionism, and being queer in the South. Their instrumentation, on the other hand, is heavily informed by fucking around and finding out. They never much believed in being coherent or consistent. ... more

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